shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
