i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
