Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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