So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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