matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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