I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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