At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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