i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
