Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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