dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
