Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
