Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
