Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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