I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
