the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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