Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize