My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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