Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
