Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
