there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
