I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
