So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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