She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
