Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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