I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
