i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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