He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
