The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
