Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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