Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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