There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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