I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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