Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
