He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
