the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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