Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
