This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Randomize
