He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
