East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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