dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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