So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is classic penis vs brain.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
