This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
