Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
