just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Come share oat with me in your robe
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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