i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
