My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
