I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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