I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
