remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Randomize
