Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
