We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
