Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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