I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
