So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Drunk is not a location!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize