i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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