Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
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He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.