if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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