Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
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today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
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He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.