Texts From Last Night

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  (520): View more from Arizona

  If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.

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  (520): If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar. http://tfl.nu/t9uo
  Replies (59) Good night (5213) Bad night (809)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.

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  (301): Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up. http://tfl.nu/txq5
  Replies (13) Good night (2890) Bad night (678)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain

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  (302): I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain http://tfl.nu/18xp
  Replies (22) Good night (1305) Bad night (4255)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.

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  (419): I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars. http://tfl.nu/ussa
  Replies (37) Good night (2281) Bad night (7830)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.

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  (775): At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive. http://tfl.nu/xg7u
  Replies (4) Good night (2620) Bad night (1442)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.

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  (801): Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard. http://tfl.nu/rl99
  Replies (9) Good night (2448) Bad night (819)
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  (619): View more from California

  I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw

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  (619): I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw http://tfl.nu/yk6h
  Replies (11) Good night (938) Bad night (1925)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL

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  (201): I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL http://tfl.nu/z2bq
  Replies (7) Good night (1551) Bad night (494)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys

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  (516): Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys http://tfl.nu/syhe
  Replies (5) Good night (1218) Bad night (455)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.

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  (703): Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding. http://tfl.nu/fi6z
  Replies (0) Good night (1097) Bad night (561)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.

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  (914): Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block. http://tfl.nu/om9a
  Replies (0) Good night (571) Bad night (345)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink

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  (402): I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink http://tfl.nu/3wto
  Replies (8) Good night (969) Bad night (382)
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  (831): View more from California

  Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it

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  (831): Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it http://tfl.nu/5vlz
  Replies (0) Good night (375) Bad night (596)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.

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  (207): I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here. http://tfl.nu/lv1x
  Replies (0) Good night (593) Bad night (259)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos

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  (620): There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos http://tfl.nu/lt0j
  Replies (1) Good night (356) Bad night (210)

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