i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.