Im at strip club and am horny
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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