its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!