Got a toothbrush?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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