A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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