He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
