sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize