I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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