she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
