Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
