I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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