I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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