my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
