i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
