i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Someone signed my nipple.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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