Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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