i wish my penis had a tongue
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
