If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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